Viewing entries tagged
life coach

What to Say: When Someone Tells You to Leave the Addicts in Your Life.

How many people have heard this before? Life hits us like a ton of bricks sometimes and dealing with the judgments of others makes it that much more difficult. Here is a little insight into how to face those people in your life that just say ..give up. I hope this serves you! XO

Leave a comment below and let's talk about what this conversation has looked like for you and what you have done to handle it!

Why I am Grateful My Husband is in Jail: A Lesson in Confidence

I haven't written here in awhile. Lately doing video blogs have been quicker and easier for me but there is something about writing that I really connect with and find soothing and healing. 

And it is funny because this is all part of my journey. Previously I didn't feel super confident being in front of the camera. Not only that, I didn't feel confident about many other things as well. Having this new temporary freedom, or gift from the Universal Spirits as I like to refer to it, I have been forced to do things I never thought I would. 

One of the biggest things I am realizing is that I am UNCOMFORTABLE. For example, in everyday life without my husband here, in my soul, in my skin somedays, in my thoughts sometimes. As I write this I realize that my state of being is quite "off" to put it simply. I have felt like I am floating around on a cloud under the surface of the earth. Buried but free, it is a very odd feeling as you can imagine. So let me put it like this for any of the introverts out there. You know that feeling when you walk into a party with a bunch of people you don't know and feel super out of place. Like the thought of every little thing you wear, say or do runs through your head. Well that is the discomfort I am talking about that I experience in myself many days.. Yet, I have become okay with these feelings. Not comfortable with them quite yet but certainly become able to accept them. And as a result I have less anxiety, I have more joy and I live in the moment more often. 

I am pretty all over the place these days and although I judge myself sometimes for not being an ideal super mom that doesn't exist, I sustain the mantra "you are doing awesome." This helps so much even though sometimes it makes me cry because I am in awe of how far I have come, how much I have grown in the last 3 months. The part that is challenging right now is thinking that I may have another three months to go. I feel my energy lacking and time losing meaning as I continue on this path. But as I feel a loss of daily love from my husband and energy in my life, I feel a rejuvenated, self-induced passion that is completely dependent on me and only me. Talk about a confidence booster.

That is HUGE for someone with the disease of codependency. I used to seek my confidence and happiness in my husband. If he wasn't happy I wasn't happy so my goal was to make him happy so that I could be happy. I will tell you how effective that is....it's NOT. With the space I have been given I am now able to catch myself when I get stuck in these patterns, having thoughts about how to make him happy in prison, what can I tell him to do, say, read, write in order to uplift him. Then I realize the profoundness of his distance, I can do nothing to control his happiness. I can add accents of happiness to his life but I cannot be his source of happiness just as he cannot be mine. 


I used to take on all the responsibility for fear that he would not be able to handle it or it was too much for him. In hindsight I now see that I was robbing him of the ability to try to stand on his own two feet and face his life head on. That immediately took down his confidence to approach real life. I was trying to protect him but I was hurting him by not letting him be responsible for his own life. This is a HUGE realization. If you have experienced this in your life, take a look at who you may be trying to protect. 

We need confidence to live to breath to take steps forward to grow. If we are preventing people from feeling the ups and downs they will never get anywhere in life. 

This is the time for me to let my husband fall or fly and for me to do the same. And guess what it's going to make us stronger individually and able to thrive as a couple. 

What makes you feel more confident in your life? Do you get that feeling from yourself or others? Let me know in the comments below!

Being Married to an Addict (PART 3)

My third video has A LOT of information in it. Let it sink in, anyone who has an addict in their lives knows these struggles. 

My goal is to offer gentle suggestions and solutions that will lead to a more peaceful and serene life. It is possible and like I said before, there is SO much hope. 

Please reach out if you need anything, I am here to support you. 

Like I say at the end of the video I will be back with an update about my husband and he will also be doing his own videos in conjunction with mine. Because this is a family illness we try to encourage each other and work together to help others. 

This is an individual journey, take what you like and leave the rest. No judgements here, ONLY LOVE.

God, Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The Things I Cannot Change, The Courage To Change The Things I Can And The Wisdom To Know The Difference. 

Light & Love ~
Julie Bel

Being Married to Addict (PART 1)

I have never come out like this before. 


I have never told my whole truth. 


I always kept my anonymity for fear of being shamed or judged, but I am here to say screw that because people need to hear this message. 


There are millions of addicts in and out of recovery in this world and that means that there are millions of family members of addicts struggling as well. I share this message with an open heart to all of those who are watching a loved one travel down the road of addiction. 


There is no shame to be had. We are all human. All I can do is share my experience and my journey and hope that it touches someone's life who needs it. 


Love & Light!
Julie Bel

 

What the Heck is Spirituality?

    I grew up with a Jewish mother and a Christian father (who would probably call himself an Atheist now).  God to me was a man with a white beard in the sky that was a figment of people's imaginations. The idea of God and religion to me was fleeting, undefined and frankly stupid when I was growing up. I just didn't get it. 
     I attended all of my cousins Bar and Bar Mitzvahs. I went to church a few times with my friends on random Sundays or special holidays. I went to the local synagogue with my mother for the high holidays. In all of this I never had any idea what any of it meant or what it meant to other people. 
       Since this time and as I have grown older I have been through some difficult situations in my life. When my brother suddenly passed away I asked my husband desperately to say the "Lord's Prayer" to me because I found some kind of comfort in hearing it. This was completely out of character and a bizarre request for him to hear. I would talk to my therapist at the time and say, I think people who are religious have it easier because they know where their loved ones go and they believe in God. I don't have that. I felt at the time like I was above those people who believed in these things and like I knew someone they didn't, turns out it was the other way around in some respects.  
      Obviously because I am writing this post things have shifted in my life. Where did this shift occur, why and what the heck is spirituality?? 
Here are the things I have learned on my journey about spirituality:

1.) Spirituality is NOT religion. There is no one thing or person that is being worshiped or put up on a pedestal. Spirituality simply refers to the fact that we believe there is something else out there that we can connect to. It means that we do not have to control the world on our own, and in fact we cannot, we truly only have control over ourselves. For many people their spiritual journey begins when they are stuck in a bad place. Many people start by finding a power greater to be a group of people that will be in a certain place at a certain time without fail. It is something that gives us comfort when all else seems to fail us. Often, as it was for me, the search for something bigger than us happens when tragedy strikes or rock bottoms knocks us on our butts. But it is not religious in the sense that we need to go to a church or synagogue to feel the presence, it is something that is all around us all the time like a warm bubble of light. 

2.) Spirituality is that weird thing that happens when you are thinking about a friend and they call or text you. It is unexplainable events that make total and complete sense. It makes you feel safe and like you belong. To me, it makes me feel like I have a purpose in this universe when I can connect to something greater than myself. When things in my life feel like they are in line and are supposed to happen this is when I see signs or hear that song on the radio that reminds me of my brother. Spirituality is about paying attention to the fact that there is a bigger picture, that we are connected to others and that we are part of a whole in this life. 

3.) Spirituality connects us strongly to nature and the beauty that surrounds us. You can think about the science of nature logically for an eternity but it will still never explain the magnificence of the oceans and the creatures that live in it or the beauty of a sunset. These places and things in nature bring a sense of peace and calm. This is why many people spend so much time in nature, because it is where they feel something like no other, even if they aren't sure what it is. Spirituality and connection cannot always be explained, it just is and when we can accept that beauty that surrounds us, we are connected. For many people I know nature IS their spirituality, plain and simple. 

4.) Spirituality is different for every single human being on this planet...and other planets for that matter. There is no cookie cutter one size fits all version. It is an individual process for each person, it is truly not a noun, it is an adjective. There is no one way to look at it and it is ever changing. Think about how as a child you may have had an idea of what a certain word meant but as you grew up you discovered its true meaning. This is how I see spirituality. As we make new connections and discoveries in our lives we see things differently and we find peace with them in a new way. 


Spirituality is for everyone if they choose to see the grand scale of the beauty of the world.  It is not something or someone to follow it is to listen to your heart and trust that you are headed in the right direction, now and always, in any way shape or form.


Love & Light,


Julie Bel